2020: The End is Nigh

Hard to believe 2020 is almost over. This has been both the longest and fastest year of my life. Time has lost all meaning.

Its been incredibly isolating. We've really only seen the same 4 people since March, and I don't know when that's going to change. 

I'm so very restless —this is the longest I've gone in years without an objective, some climbing trip or exotic vacation. I've been distracting myself with online workout programs and increasing involvement with online diabetes communities. I've managed to establish something resembling a routine, with morning climbs twice a week and daily HIIT and strength training with a smattering of runs. But at the end of the day, I feel adrift. I lack the emotional energy to feel anything other than disgust with the selfishness of people who refuse to follow social distancing guidelines or wear masks. I am upset by the incendiary, hateful rhetoric coming from news media and politicians, but beyond sending emails to my elected officials, I just don't have it in me to act. 

We've been making it work. The internet is a wonderful thing, and Ev and I were able to video chat with our families on Christmas. We've celebrated the holidays with our small bubble, using it as an excuse to cook overly-large meals, make fancy desserts, and pretend that things are normal. We've gone out into the mountains to ski and bask in the glory that Alaska has to offer. 

On the plus side, I have more ab definition than I've had in years. I went through three exercise mats before getting one that withstands my new exercise regime (turns out, you do, in fact, get what you pay for with exercise mats). I've done a lot of baking. I've become even more of an anti-social homebody than I already was. Things aren't all bad.

But I miss normal.

I miss regular interaction with people at the office and going out to dinner at restaurants. 

I miss not having anxiety every time I go to the store.

I miss shooting the shit with people at the climbing gym and exchanging beta on a route.

I miss pre-pandemic life.

On the whole, I think people are trying to do what's right and listen to the science. The majority of Alaskans believe masks work and are wearing them. People are trying to to keep their distance, even if they slip up sometimes because we've spent lifetimes not worrying about being within 6 feet of someone. Nobody is perfect, but at least most of us are trying. 

So as 2020 draws to a close, I'm not going to write some optimistic, positive drivel about how things are going to be great. The goal this year has been to maintain and survive; the very fact that we've made it this far without a psychotic break is pretty awesome. 

But 2021 will not be magically better. We still have a pandemic to deal with, a dysfunctional government, social injustice, and economic uncertainty for millions of Americans. These problems were highlighted in the past year, in many cases as a result of the pandemic creating time for people to be more aware of the world around them and vocal about injustice and corruption. The mental fatigue from prolonged isolation and the inconsistently-managed global health crisis have highlighted long-standing failings in the American healthcare system. These issues were not new in 2020. 

In the next year, let's continue to be outraged. Speak out if and when you have the mental energy to do so. Be kind to others, because it costs you nothing and may mean the world to them. We are all on edge. Take care of yourself. Remember that it's okay to not be okay. Give yourself the same benefit of the doubt that you give others. 

The past year has been hard, but we persevered. 

I'm not setting a lofty New Years Resolution. My goal is to maintain, to keep doing what I'm doing and try to lead by example to the extent that I'm able. 

2020 has been hard.

2021 just needs to be better.