Let's talk kids (or not)

So we (me and Ev) have reached at a point in our lives where people want to know what the plan is.

And by "plan", I mean if we're going to have babies.

And by "if", I mean when.

So you can imagine the reaction we get when we go "we're not going to have kids."
(Note: We’re at that age where it’s not an unreasonable question, so ask away. But only once. And then listen to the answer and let it go)

For some reason, I usually feel obligated to justify myself:

I've never wanted them.

I don't particularly like them.

I'm a medical disaster and don't want to pass that on.

I don't want them.

I get that we're at that age where people get married, buy a house, and have kids. Hell, I've checked two of the three boxes. And it's pretty great. But I have zero desire to have kids. And that's my (and Ev's) choice. We're on the same page in this regard. We've talked about it. We don't want them. We're not going to have them. The end.

Or at least it should be.

It's a bit horrifying how often we hear some variation of "oh, you'll change your mind." Or "don't you feel obligated to have kids since you're both smart and stable?" Or my personal favorite, "you'll never be truly fulfilled if you don't have kids." 

I'm not sure why, but apparently it's okay to judge people on their conscious decision to not reproduce. 

Now please don't misunderstand me. I have nothing against people having kids. I know a bunch of people who want them and have had planned pregnancies, children, and all the struggles associated with trying to get pregnant. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and having kids. Arguably, the world needs more parents who are in a position to plan for and support the crap out of their children. But that doesn't mean I need to be one of those people. 

Hopefully, we'll age out of this. Eventually. In, like, 10 years. 

Fun fact:

Millennials (yes, I'm one of those) are making very deliberate choices when it comes to having kids. Statistically, we're waiting longer to marry, buy houses (if we do at all), and have kids. Reproduction is both a personal and environmental choice these days. 

I know people who have tried for years to have kids and haven't been able to conceive and have ended up adopting - which is amazing on many fronts and they're great parents. I know people who have had kids basically as soon as they've started trying. I know people who have gone through fertility treatments up to and including in-vitro. We also have friends who are taking a step back and going "I want kids. Is this the person I want them with?"

And I know people who, like me, have chosen not to reproduce, who have made a deliberate decision to not have kids. And we all have experienced that annoying, patronising person who insists that we'll change our minds, implying that we aren't capable of knowing what we want for ourselves, of planing ahead, of making financial and personal decisions that will influence the rest of our lives.

It is incredibly condescending and, let's be honest, rude, to insert yourself into someone else's reproductive choices. It is not your business. It is never your responsibility. The decision to have or not have kids is monumental and deeply personal. Yet for some reason, people feel like it's okay to comment on it, even if they know nothing about your circumstances - imagine how awful it is if you've been trying to get pregnant for years, gone through fertility treatments, maybe in-vitro, and not been able to conceive. Maybe you or your partner is unable to reproduce. Maybe only one of you wanted kids and it ended the relationship.

My point is, don't comment on anyone's decision to have kids or not. 

You don't know what they've been through.

You don't know the choices they've made.

So basically, shut the hell up before you decide to tell someone they should have kids (While you're at it, keep your opinions to yourself when talking to pregnant woman, people with babies... actually, maybe just don't tell anyone how to live).

Nobody has an obligation or duty to have kids (well, short of the royal family, but that's just some weird, out-dated shit).

And also, it's really bloody rude.